Never lose hope

My mom is sick. So sick. She has had multiple heart attacks, heart surgeries, complications–the list goes on and on. To put it lightly, life is sucking.

A few days ago mom was presenting with heart failure symptoms. All I could think of is the negatives. I kept thinking about how all the medical procedures, hospital stays, rehab, etc could have been for nothing if her heart ultimately still fails. All the praying, hoping and wishing.. for nothing.

Today it hit me. It wasn’t for nothing. I got to spend time with her daily while she got better. She may not remember it all, but I do. Those are memories I will always have. She is so special to me and I will continue to stay by her side no matter what comes our way.

Plus, no matter how much WebMD I read, I’m still not a medical doctor. Maybe it’s not heart failure. Maybe it’s something so minor. Who am I to lose hope after we’ve come this far?

I need to take my little ass a chill pill, relax, enjoy my time with my mom, and stop worrying about things that haven’t even happened.

I think I’m acting crazy, per usual.

Love all of you.

Blaire ♥️

Will my head explode?

I’m currently on a flight home from the best vacation ever. Yes, i say that after every vacation. So what.

I swam with manatees, drank too much tequila, and had an absolute blast.

HOWEVER, I’m now 2 minutes till plane touchdown and I can’t hear a darn thing. My ears never popped. Will my head explode? Am I deaf now? Can I die from this? Is it cancer? Is god punishing me for downing 4 margaritas and talking to complete strangers like I’ve known them my whole life?

Well, I’ll know soon enough.

Talk loudly if you see me.

Blaire 🐢🍷

Heart surgery

Life is sucking.

My dad had triple bypass surgery. It was supposed to be a 3-6 hour procedure with a few days stay in the hospital after to insure stability. Easy. Nothing too terrible. The internet said his chances of survival were 99%. I wasn’t worried.

You guys, we are on day 11 in the ICU. My dad is on life support. How could this happen? How can life change so quickly?

We are told he could still make a full recovery, but that just doesn’t feel likely.

Live your lives. Take that trip you’ve always wanted to take. Go fishing. Enjoy your life, it’s not promised.

More later,

💕Blaire

The freckle that tried to ruin my life

A month or so ago, my husband stated that i had a new freckle. He said it was a bad sign and I should have it checked out right away. I responded, “it’s a freckle, don’t be paranoid.”

To my dismay, the freckle turned black. My husband was quick to tell me that it must be cancer and I was quick to roll my eyes.

My husband was persistent. In fact, I only went to the dermatologist about the freckle because he annoyed me into it. He literally tried to drive me crazy about this freckle. Not to worry, didn’t work. After all, it’s hard to drive a crazy person crazy.

The biopsy results came back that the freckle was severely atypical. That’s sort of how my life always goes. && that’s when it hit me, this little tiny, seemingly insignificant, freckle was trying to ruin my life. WHY ME, FRECKLE? Why.

They cut out the freckle and the surrounding tissue. My husband said it looked like they cut out a piece of chicken and they sewed me back up. Yes, he stood right over the doctor while she operated. Yes, I did opt for the anti-anxiety meds prior to surgery. I didn’t even realize when they started cutting. Yolo.

My stitches come out Thursday. Until then, I’m a couch potato that can’t stop eating Girl Scout cookies.

Fuck atypical freckles❤️

Blaire

Does this make me an adult?

The past few days I’ve felt like I’ve been constantly shitted on. No matter how hard I try, no matter how nice I am, someone has something hateful to say. Ya know what, fuck that.

Stop being an asshole to people. Stop making people feel like they don’t matter. Stop talking about people behind their backs. Stop being a jerk, just stop.

I decided I was going to come home from work and drink vodka cranberries– lots of vodka, splash of cranberry.

Here’s where the magic happened… I resisted. Instead of drowning myself in cheap vodka, I had frozen yogurt with chocolate chips. Does this make me an adult? I feel like it does.

Still might turn to the vodka.

Blaire 💛

The time I was called a lesbian.

When I was in middle school, I got my first school best friend. She was the best. She was popular, funny, cute, everything i ever imagined a best friend would be.

I was in a challenging time in my life but I knew that when I got to school nothing else mattered because my school best friend would have my back.

One day I walked into math class and one of my peers accused me & school bestie of being lesbians. I was horrified. I didn’t want people thinking that. I didn’t even want to hear the word. At that time, I thought being a lesbian was something you had to be ashamed of. I was mortified.

I cried in my bed at night for weeks following this accusation. Me? A lesbian? Why me? I couldn’t shake it. I hated myself for starting a friendship that would even remotely resemble a lesbian relationship.

Y’all, if I could go back in time, I’d slap that kid across his ugly face for calling me a lesbian. I’d then turn to my school bestie and make-out with her in front of the whole damn class. Being a lesbian is not something to be ashamed of. It’s not something you call someone to make them feel bad. && even though I wasn’t a lesbian, I should never have felt so negatively about being thought of as one. Stupid middle school kids that were mean to me, I’m flicking you off right now. Stop being ignorant and grow the hell up.

Choose love.

Blaire ❤️

Dermatologist

Today I went to the dermatologist about a spot on the back of my head. Luckily for me, the spot is covered by my hair. However, after years of being there, it started growing and itching so I made my appointment. Can’t risk getting cancer this young, I still have SO many wild nights ahead of me. Let’s face it, the tequila needs me.

Anyway, the dermatologist thought the spot looked fine but I told him I wanted it removed. Here’s the thing, my husband was there and he didn’t like the thought of having it removed. WHY, BRO? The spot isn’t on your head. The spot isn’t trying to ruin your life by growing into a damn unicorn horn.

You guessed right, I had it removed despite his unwarranted opinion. My head, my body, my choice. Can you tell I’m still grumpy about it? UGH.

Till next time,

Evil Blaire ☠️

Ladies, stand up for yourselves.

Last night I watched one of my friends cry hysterically over her husband. He has moved out of her house and has stopped taking her calls and doesn’t hang out with her. She hangs on to the thought of getting back together because every so often he says he “loves” her.

I can understand being upset. The situation sounds terrible. Here’s what I don’t understand— I don’t understand why other women at the party told her that it’s okay that her husband treats her this way.

Ladies, it’s not okay. Stand up for yourselves. Don’t be pathetic. You do not need a man.

Y’all got me rowdy already this morning thinking about this nonsense.

Ladies, learn to love yourself.

Blaire ⭐️

Cat Problems

This morning I shut my cat’s tail in the microwave. Naturally, I apologized to her for 20 minutes while giving her treats. Unfortunately, she didn’t have much to say on the situation.

When I arrived home from work today, she snuggled against my leg. Guess that means she forgives me…. or, she wants more treats.

Meow, 

Blaire 💜🐱

Locked out of my house 💅🏼

Today I got locked out of my own house. Ya see, I got excited because I was going to get a pedicure. Naturally, I ran out of the house and didn’t even think twice about the keys needed to drive the car to the nail place. I realize almost immediately what I had done. I sat for a minute on the porch holding my purse and phone and really pondered my options. I could break a window, but that just seemed dramatic. So I decided to search the outside of the house for our old spare key. During this process my feet got covered with mud. Whatever though, needed to get into the house. 

Failed to get into the house. Sat on the porch. Sat on the porch some more. Called my friend and told her to pick me up. She shows up, we drive around. I call my husband and told him to leave work to let me in the house. He does. 

Long story short, we found the keys. They were in the purse I was holding the entire time. 

Typical Blaire, I know. 

Oh, and when I finally got to the nail place, I put my feet into the water and the water turned brown. Darn mud. 

Whyyyyyyyy. 

Love you. 

❤️ Blaire