Cat Problems 

This morning I shut my cat’s tail in the microwave. Naturally, I apologized to her for 20 minutes while giving her treats. Unfortunately, she didn’t have much to say on the situation.

When I arrived home from work today, she snuggled against my leg. Guess that means she forgives me…. or, she wants more treats.

Meow, 

Blaire 💜🐱

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Nervous Talking 🙃

Guys, I have a problem. Whenever I get nervous I start talking, a lot. SO much talking. I’ll just go on and on and on about everything & nothing at the same time. 

I also have an issue with getting hyper. It’s like the longer I speak, the more hyper I get. Whenever I meet new people they always comment on my energy and positivity. If only they knew that I wish I could just quietly say “nice to meet you, I’m Blaire” and have a normal, short convo. Instead, I find myself hyperly reviewing my entire life story.

Thinking calm thoughts, 

Blaire 🎀💗

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Locked out of my house 💅🏼

Today I got locked out of my own house. Ya see, I got excited because I was going to get a pedicure. Naturally, I ran out of the house and didn’t even think twice about the keys needed to drive the car to the nail place. I realize almost immediately what I had done. I sat for a minute on the porch holding my purse and phone and really pondered my options. I could break a window, but that just seemed dramatic. So I decided to search the outside of the house for our old spare key. During this process my feet got covered with mud. Whatever though, needed to get into the house. 

Failed to get into the house. Sat on the porch. Sat on the porch some more. Called my friend and told her to pick me up. She shows up, we drive around. I call my husband and told him to leave work to let me in the house. He does. 

Long story short, we found the keys. They were in the purse I was holding the entire time. 

Typical Blaire, I know. 

Oh, and when I finally got to the nail place, I put my feet into the water and the water turned brown. Darn mud. 

Whyyyyyyyy. 

Love you. 

❤️ Blaire 

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Happy 4th of July 🇺🇸❤️

I’m obsessed with the United States of America. I love the USA–I love the people, I love the scenery, I love the smell, I even love that President of ours that can’t seem to control himself on Twitter. I mean it when I say it, I’m freakin’ proud to be an American.

Like the basic bitch I am, I’m going to wear an American flag bikini and drink vodka cranberries on the beach. 

I bleed red, white, and blue. Happy 4th of July. 

Cheers! 

Blaire 🇺🇸🌟

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The internet cured me, again.

fullsizerender-2The other night I started researching the best ways to cure stomach pain. About 1 million different things came up. So there I sat with 1 million answers to my simple little question. I reasoned that the best way to choose which one to use would be to see which one would make me the happiest.

I sat there for a minute thinking and decided that taking a warm bath on that cold evening would make me feel wonderful. So I googled “bath that will cure stomach pain.” And you’ll never guess that I got a billion search results. I decided to go with the first one that popped up– bathing in baking soda. The idea seemed far fetched and harmful to my health… then it seemed so far fetched that it could potentially work. And, shoot, what did I have to lose?

So, I started the water and carelessly tossed baking soda around in the tub. I put on Jason Aldean’s new cd and I climbed on in. I set a timer on my phone for 20 minutes (that’s what the Internet advised) and began my 20 minute, baking soda filled relaxation.

It’s probably all in my crazy little mind, but my stomach was cured the second the timer rang. Well, the Internet knows things or I’m nuttier than I originally thought.

From,
Hypochondriac Blaire 💕

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It all started with a margarita

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I did something a tad bit strange and spontaneous yesterday– with a margarita in my hand. If you know me, you know that margaritas make me have the best ideas. All great nights start and end with a margarita. Tequila speaks to my soul. In fact, I could arguably say that margaritas could help aid in world peace—but this blog is about yesterday.

Yesterday, my two friends and I went to Chili’s for margaritas. We sat in the bar area and wasted no time in placing our order for blackberry margaritas. I had one tiny sip and I already knew that the night had potential. I’ve got to give it to the bar tender, Stephen, he knew how to add mostly tequila with just a splash of blackberry. I was in paradise.

Now, paradise is a place where my great ideas flourish. So, it wasn’t a big surprise when I had one of my best ideas yet. Ya see, my friend has recently started online dating
. Being a supportive, overbearing friend, I tend to seek/demand every itty, bitty detail of her quests online. The issue being, she’s a super secretive person. Well, it hit me as I sipped margarita number two; I could just attend her blind date. I simply needed her to agree—that’s where margarita number 3 came in.

I carefully, very carefully, slipped the idea into conversation as she took a large gulp of what likely tasted like pure tequila. She coughed a little and looked at me like I was the craziest person alive. My other friend quickly chimed in that the idea was flawless. I continuously nodded my head in approval of my own idea. And somehow, someway, margarita number 3 had her hesitantly agreeing.

It took a lot out of me to pretend I was chill when she agreed. Ingreen-heartside, I was doing cartwheels. This was going to be the best.

My friend walked outside and sat in my car so it would seem like she had just arrived. Her date walks in wearing a flannel shirt, just like the flannel shirt my friend was wearing. Talk about coincidence. I heard wedding bells.

The hostess approached them as I pretended to be super interested in the last drop of tequila remaining in my glass. Unfortunately for me though, the hostess sat them at a table that might as well have been in another state. I could barely see them, let alone make out any inkling of conversation. How anticlimactic.

Until my next great idea,

Blaire

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It’s me, Blaire. 

I want to be straight forward from the start. My blogs will be offensive. Ya see, that’s why I started this blog. I want to tell things the way they really are. Not with the sugar coating and fake happy attitude; rather, the kind of honesty that makes you take a step back and reevaluate your take on life. The type of honesty that has you secretly nodding your head and wanting to know more. If that’s what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.

And since I’m being open, I curse, I party harder than I should, I have a ratchet family, I don’t like coffee, and I’ve realized through it all that someone out there will read this blog and love every second of my twisted little life, or not. Who cares.

More from me soon,
Blaire

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