What’s in the cookies?!

Today I went over to my parent’s house for dinner. This is a rarity, so they really tried to make it nice.

When i walk into the house, I see fresh baked peanut butter cookies on the stove. YUM. Without asking, i dig right in. The cookies are slap-your-grandma delicious! I can’t get enough of them. Once I’m about 3 cookies deep, my brother starts laughing. He’s like, “hahaha, mom, tell her what’s in them.”

And I’m immediately livid because I’m thinking they put something real stupid in these cookies. I tell them that I will be pissed if they put weed in the cookies because i have a real job that simply isn’t cool with that.

They continue to laugh & my mind continues to race. What the heck is in these cookies??

Apparently, they ran out of milk when making the cookies and decided to add Dunkin’ Donuts creamer instead. No harm, no foul. The cookies were delicious.

I hope they run out of milk from here on out.

Blaire 🍪

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New Year Eve Party Anxiety

I’d never tell anyone this, but I get anxious when I think about going to a party without my husband or another trusted male. So weird, I know. My 73 best girl friends can be going to the party, but if my husband or a trusted male isn’t there, I’m still uncomfortable.

No, nothing ever happened. No, I don’t know why. It has just always been this way for me. Daddy issues? Shit, maybe.

I’m currently debating texting one of my trusted male friends to see if he’s going to be at the party. He will absolutely think it’s weird that I’m reaching out to him but I don’t care because it’ll put my mind at ease.

Yes, I get this is ridiculous. I’m a work in progress. Hate it or love it, this is how I act.

I’ve made Jell-O shots and buffalo chicken dip for the party. Let’s face it, i know how to have a great time.

Love me even though I’m crazy?

Blaire ❤️❤️❤️

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Locked out of my house 💅🏼

Today I got locked out of my own house. Ya see, I got excited because I was going to get a pedicure. Naturally, I ran out of the house and didn’t even think twice about the keys needed to drive the car to the nail place. I realize almost immediately what I had done. I sat for a minute on the porch holding my purse and phone and really pondered my options. I could break a window, but that just seemed dramatic. So I decided to search the outside of the house for our old spare key. During this process my feet got covered with mud. Whatever though, needed to get into the house. 

Failed to get into the house. Sat on the porch. Sat on the porch some more. Called my friend and told her to pick me up. She shows up, we drive around. I call my husband and told him to leave work to let me in the house. He does. 

Long story short, we found the keys. They were in the purse I was holding the entire time. 

Typical Blaire, I know. 

Oh, and when I finally got to the nail place, I put my feet into the water and the water turned brown. Darn mud. 

Whyyyyyyyy. 

Love you. 

❤️ Blaire 

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Christian Overdose 

Just the other day, my brother overdosed and somehow convinced my parents that he has epilepsy.

 I know what you’re thinking– impossible. How? Why? Are you being serious? 

I’m here to tell you that I am. My brother snorted pills for 72 hours straight and it finally caught up with him. Oh, and he somehow lived to tell about it. Way to go, bro!  

My parents went to the grocery store and when they came home they found one of my brother’s friends screaming that my brother had died. 

My parents, being the Bible toting Christians that they are, ran right to his rescue. They called 911 and attempted to get his pulse back. 911 arrived just as my brother started convulsing and foaming at the mouth. Nevertheless, my sweet, innocent, charming brother was able to muster up enough strength to become disorderly with the first responders because he didn’t like them touching his drugs. Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no shame in his game! 

My brother goes into back to back seizures and yet his friend swears that he knew nothing about the drugs he took. The first responders tell my brother’s friend that my brother will die if he continues to withhold the truth, he remained silent. What an awesome friend! 

The first responders were able to pry a baggie of pills from my brother’s hand and use a smart phone app to see what he took. Yay technology! Luckily I’m not a first responder, I don’t know if I’d have been so quick to help people that didn’t want help. Keeping it real, y’all! 

He was then transported to the hospital. Once the doctors were able to bring him back to reality, my brother told my parents that he didn’t take any drugs and this was all a misunderstanding. Although there was concrete evidence to say otherwise, my parents have chosen to believe my brother. They are even taking him for additional testing to confirm an epilepsy diagnosis. What wonderful Christians! I’m looking forward to visiting never.

I’m surrounded by idiots. 

Xoxo,

Blaire 💋💄

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I sleep with stuffed animals

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I turned 26 years old this year– I have two degrees, a challenging job, and a good looking husband. And somehow, someway I still sleep nightly with 3 stuffed animals. Hello, daddy issues. Am I right? If you’re nodding your head and smirking right now then you’ve met someone crazy like me before. You’re probably thinking of a bat shit crazy ex-girlfriend or that wild best friend you had in college that you always knew was a little off.

I could sit down right now and tell you every little thing that has ever went wrong in my life and I still cannot account for my inability to put my stuffed animals in the past. My mom used to always joke that I wouldn’t give those stuffed animals up till the day I got married. Well, uhh, I have been married for years and still I sleep with them. Yes, they have names: Puffy, Puffilump, and Ruff. The first two were named when I got them on the day I was born. The third one was named by my drunk friend at a party.

Honestly and truly, I cannot begin to tell you why I can’t fall asleep without them. No, I do not believe they talk or have feelings. But, then again, I still get upset if I see one absentmindedly tossed on the floor.

Help?

Blaire 🎀

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