What a magical place. 🌴🌸 wishing I was still there.
We arrived at the airport to leave. I stood there reminiscing about all the fun I had on this trip. One of my absolute favorite trips. Plus, this airport was nice, it even had air conditioning. The airport was going to be another thing to add to my list of awesome things about Costa Rica. I felt comfortable and super relaxed as I smiled at the memories of two relaxing weeks.
I felt something crawling on my leg, but I brushed it off. I thought it was probably a fly, maybe a mosquito. I continued to fill out my paperwork for customs while admiring the airport. Then I felt it. There was something crawling up my shorts and it was bigger than a fly or mosquito.
I panic, of course. It’s me, I panic about everything. So, there I am. I’m in the airport screaming and slapping my own bottom. Then the pain hits. I’m clenching my butt with my hand and yelling “OH MY GOD I AM BEING STUNG”.
Of course I’m simultaneously showing the entire airport all my goodies. People are speaking to me in Spanish and laughing. Wish i could’ve laughed too but my Spanish isn’t strong enough and my ass was on fire. I simply couldn’t unclench my butt long enough to find anything even a little bit funny.
My butt starts swelling significantly. We cannot get a clear answer from anyone on what stung me because our Spanish was useless in Costa Rica.
I rubbed some random cream on my butt in front of the whole world and then I boarded the plane to the USA.
My life has just never been dull. Blaire 👒
Today I got locked out of my own house. Ya see, I got excited because I was going to get a pedicure. Naturally, I ran out of the house and didn’t even think twice about the keys needed to drive the car to the nail place. I realize almost immediately what I had done. I sat for a minute on the porch holding my purse and phone and really pondered my options. I could break a window, but that just seemed dramatic. So I decided to search the outside of the house for our old spare key. During this process my feet got covered with mud. Whatever though, needed to get into the house.
Failed to get into the house. Sat on the porch. Sat on the porch some more. Called my friend and told her to pick me up. She shows up, we drive around. I call my husband and told him to leave work to let me in the house. He does.
Long story short, we found the keys. They were in the purse I was holding the entire time.
Typical Blaire, I know.
Oh, and when I finally got to the nail place, I put my feet into the water and the water turned brown. Darn mud.
I’m obsessed with the United States of America. I love the USA–I love the people, I love the scenery, I love the smell, I even love that President of ours that can’t seem to control himself on Twitter. I mean it when I say it, I’m freakin’ proud to be an American.
Like the basic bitch I am, I’m going to wear an American flag bikini and drink vodka cranberries on the beach.
I bleed red, white, and blue. Happy 4th of July.
Next week I leave for an adventure that’s been on my bucket list for awhile! My husband and our two friends are traveling through Costa Rica. I plan to do the following:
1. observe a sloth
2. dance on a bar while taking tequila shots
3. Watch a surf competition
4. Pretend I’m fluent in Spanish
5. Hike to a waterfall
6. Get close to monkeys
7. Hug a pig on Isles Tortuga
8. Swim with a sea turtle
9. become good friends with a stranger
10. Take mental pictures of each & every moment
I’m excited. I’m nervous. I can’t freakin’ wait.
Today I panicked. I panicked because I thought I took my last blog too far. I felt for the first time since joining this site that maybe I should set forth limits on the nature of my writing. Maybe I shouldn’t lash out at my family or poke fun at addiction.
Then I snapped out of it. Love me or hate me, I’m here to stay.
I’m being dramatic,
Just the other day, my brother overdosed and somehow convinced my parents that he has epilepsy.
I know what you’re thinking– impossible. How? Why? Are you being serious?
I’m here to tell you that I am. My brother snorted pills for 72 hours straight and it finally caught up with him. Oh, and he somehow lived to tell about it. Way to go, bro!
My parents went to the grocery store and when they came home they found one of my brother’s friends screaming that my brother had died.
My parents, being the Bible toting Christians that they are, ran right to his rescue. They called 911 and attempted to get his pulse back. 911 arrived just as my brother started convulsing and foaming at the mouth. Nevertheless, my sweet, innocent, charming brother was able to muster up enough strength to become disorderly with the first responders because he didn’t like them touching his drugs. Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no shame in his game!
My brother goes into back to back seizures and yet his friend swears that he knew nothing about the drugs he took. The first responders tell my brother’s friend that my brother will die if he continues to withhold the truth, he remained silent. What an awesome friend!
The first responders were able to pry a baggie of pills from my brother’s hand and use a smart phone app to see what he took. Yay technology! Luckily I’m not a first responder, I don’t know if I’d have been so quick to help people that didn’t want help. Keeping it real, y’all!
He was then transported to the hospital. Once the doctors were able to bring him back to reality, my brother told my parents that he didn’t take any drugs and this was all a misunderstanding. Although there was concrete evidence to say otherwise, my parents have chosen to believe my brother. They are even taking him for additional testing to confirm an epilepsy diagnosis. What wonderful Christians! I’m looking forward to visiting never.
I’m surrounded by idiots.