Christian Overdoseย 

Just the other day, my brother overdosed and somehow convinced my parents that he has epilepsy.

 I know what you’re thinking– impossible. How? Why? Are you being serious? 

I’m here to tell you that I am. My brother snorted pills for 72 hours straight and it finally caught up with him. Oh, and he somehow lived to tell about it. Way to go, bro!  

My parents went to the grocery store and when they came home they found one of my brother’s friends screaming that my brother had died. 

My parents, being the Bible toting Christians that they are, ran right to his rescue. They called 911 and attempted to get his pulse back. 911 arrived just as my brother started convulsing and foaming at the mouth. Nevertheless, my sweet, innocent, charming brother was able to muster up enough strength to become disorderly with the first responders because he didn’t like them touching his drugs. Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no shame in his game! 

My brother goes into back to back seizures and yet his friend swears that he knew nothing about the drugs he took. The first responders tell my brother’s friend that my brother will die if he continues to withhold the truth, he remained silent. What an awesome friend! 

The first responders were able to pry a baggie of pills from my brother’s hand and use a smart phone app to see what he took. Yay technology! Luckily I’m not a first responder, I don’t know if I’d have been so quick to help people that didn’t want help. Keeping it real, y’all! 

He was then transported to the hospital. Once the doctors were able to bring him back to reality, my brother told my parents that he didn’t take any drugs and this was all a misunderstanding. Although there was concrete evidence to say otherwise, my parents have chosen to believe my brother. They are even taking him for additional testing to confirm an epilepsy diagnosis. What wonderful Christians! I’m looking forward to visiting never.

I’m surrounded by idiots. 

Xoxo,

Blaire ๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’„

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Beautiful Facebook.

Facebook is the best thing ever invented. I, no joke, canceled my cable tv subscription because Facebook was filling all my drama desires indefinitely.

Luckily for me, I have a unique group of Facebook friends. Every single one of them providing me with a little something to get me through the workweek. There’s my religious family for starters. They love to throw out comments about the devilish ways the other family members are living. I contemplate deleting them on a regular basis, but can’t bring myself to actually give up my first row seat to the lashes they toss at one another.

Then we have our Facebook friends that just can’t put the party life behind them. No judgment, of course, I get it (way more than I should). I’m just saying, people should be more clever with their drunken Facebook posts. Screenshots are a thing now, didn’t you know? People like myself (that lack a real life) take screenshots of all wild posts for safe keeping. That way, when sobriety hits and you press delete I still have those memories. And who could forget our Facebook friends that do not recognize that Facebook isn’t Twitter. I do not need a play by play commentary of the football game that the world is watching on television. Do us all a favor and get a Twitter. As a fellow Facebook friend, I do not care what you thought about that fumble or the referee’s inability to make a worthwhile call.

Hands down though, my absolute favorite Facebook friends are my friends that use Facebook as a diary. I sit front row with a big bowl of popcorn (covered in salt) and spend hours reading each sappy, feeling-ridden post. By all means, call out your baby daddy for his wrongdoings, tell your boss what a moron he really is, and take it upon yourself to judge the way others are living. I can’t get enough. I’ve found myself bursting out laughing in my room alone on multiple occasions reading your Facebook diary. I thank you for that.

Facebook friends, keep being you. Don’t change, don’t edit your posts, and certainly don’t think twice before commenting on a status you feel passionate about.

You are the real winners,

Blaire

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It’s me, Blaire.ย 

I want to be straight forward from the start. My blogs will be offensive. Ya see, that’s why I started this blog. I want to tell things the way they really are. Not with the sugar coating and fake happy attitude; rather, the kind of honesty that makes you take a step back and reevaluate your take on life. The type of honesty that has you secretly nodding your head and wanting to know more. If that’s what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.

And since I’m being open, I curse, I party harder than I should, I have a ratchet family, I don’t like coffee, and I’ve realized through it all that someone out there will read this blog and love every second of my twisted little life, or not. Who cares.

More from me soon,
Blaire

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